MISTER POO

A man called Jason Mortimer was arrested for drunk and disorderly behaviour in Lincoln, Egnland.

In his overnight cell he smeared the words “please help” on the wall, using his own faeces, according to the Lincolnshire Echo.

Mortimer was given a 12-month conditional discharge and ordered to pay £60 in court costs.

Is this the help he needed? What did he expect?

Perhaps he was thinking of Jean Jacques Rousseau who said that because submission to the authority of the general will of the people as a whole guarantees individuals against being subordinated to the wills of others and also ensures that they obey themselves because they are, collectively, the authors of the law.

Or perhaps he just wanted to smear shite on a wall.

Either way, the boy’s out of order.

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According to this blog, animals produce 130 times the amount of excrement that human beings do.

And yet…

Humans produce roughly 130 times the amount of philosophy that animals do.

We not only feed them, but supply them with endless wisdom.

They shit up the air with their foul emissions while we grind our brains to find answers to questions of metaphysics that they are too lazy to address themselves.

The question is: who is farming whom?

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Kant wrote The Critique of Pure Reason in 1781. It was 800 long pages of thick Philosophy and no one wanted to read it.

He also wrote about the great earthquake of Lisbon and this was so popular it sold by the page.

So, high thoughts give way to the low.

Philosophy is for later,

The shit is for now.

We can all learn.

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The most expensive coffee in the world costs $100 US for a shot and comes from cat shit.

First the coffee cherry is eaten by an Asian Palm Civet (not really a cat, but similar)

Then the bean is passed into the civit dung - it cannot digest the bean.

Then a human fetches the bean and grinds it and roasts it and sells it for $100 although you can get it cheaper in Singapore.

Philosophy? As we have seen before - where there is muck, there’s money.

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This guy posted shit through his neighbour’s letterbox after he saw her act aggresively.

When it got to court the man, Robert Armstrong, described himself as a “knight in shining armour”.

A case of polishing a jobby.

What’s the worst case of neighbour abuse that you have ever committed?

Tags:   crime · EnglandComment on this story by clicking here.

Here is part of a letter of complaint recently received at the local Council in Kirklees, Yorkshire, England.

My wife and myself regularly take our grandchildren to Crow Nest Park in Dewsbury on Sunday mornings, and we all really enjoy the swings and slides etc.
However, the last two Sundays (March 7 and March 16) the slides and the play area have been covered in excrement – smeared on and the bags scattered all over.
We are absolutely disgusted that people can behave in such a vile manner, especially in a children’s play area….
It makes me feel very sad and angry that the behaviour of certain sections of our population has sunk to this despicable level.
They should be ashamed of themselves and it is a great pity that they cannot be caught and punished in a way that fits their crime.

Aristotle says there 2 different kinds of shame.

One, the true shame, can be felt only in front of our familiars and friends.

The other, In front of strangers we only feel a customary shame - shame for things that are regarded wrong by custom or opinion.

I wonder into which category falls the smearing of shit on a children’s play area.

Or, perhaps, pride?

What do you think

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This woman served a dog shit curry to her husband.

Her name is Jill Martin and after serving up the curry and watching her husband, Donald take a mouthful, she burst out laughing and confessed to him.

It ended up in a Scottish court and when the trial took place, Jill pled guilty to culpable and reckless conduct and received a telling-off from the judge.

What would three of our star philosophers say about this episode?

1. Aristotle - to achieve the good life, one must live a balanced life and avoid excess. Conclusion - don’t serve a dog shit curry.
2. Hobbes - Life in the state of nature is nasty and brutish. Conculsion - Scotland is in a state of Nature.
3. Sartre - Life is nausea. Conclusion - Just eat the curry. Nothing Matters.

And Mister Poo ’s opinion? Hell - there are worse things to be in court for.

Tags:   crime · Food · Scotland1 Comment

Fourteen fragments of fossilised faeces have been found in a cave in Oregon, USA. Scientists are happy for they have “fresh” evidence in their puzzle to find how humans make their appearance in the American continent.

Is there any philosophy who survives from this time?

And in the future - what will remain?

Will our petrified shit outlast the survival of the human race? Probably.

Will our recorded wisdom outlast the survival of the human race? Maybe.

But which will last the longest? What is the best?

Thought or Poo?

You must decide.

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While Zimbabwe awaits election results, the economic situation forces people to use human shit as fertilizer for their crops.

The Zimbabwean Broadcasting Corporation has reported that villagers from Chihota are fighting shortages and inflation by collecting human waste in specially designed toilets.

The resulting “humanure” replaces the ordinary compound D and ammonium nitrate fertilisers which are in short supply across the country.

President Robert Mugabe, who oversees this mess, describes himself as a practicing Marxist.

How does this reflect on the Godfather of Communism?

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Nietzsche (him again) wrote about the will to power and he was thinking about the brain.

But what if he had thought about the other end of the body? Now they’re saying you can turn horse shit into electricity.

The stables SUNY Cobleskill (a university in New York state) produce 20 tons of cow and horse shit every year. They cook the shit good and hot (800 degrees C) and that somehow produces electrics.

They’re doing such a good job there that they scored $1.3 million in US Governmet funding.

The future is brown and if only Nietzsche had thought this way, perhaps we would have been as famous as Nicola Tesla.

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