MISTER POO

The subtle space between toilets and philosophy

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Fuck You Very Much

July 13th, 2008 by Mister Poo
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This is one for all the passers-by.

get the message?

A message for all the pedestrians and passengers who proliferate the pavements, only pausing to pass jusgement on the piss-poor.

And the message is:

fucks for nothing,

fuck you for caring,

fuck you very much,

and goodnight.

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Holy Crap

June 23rd, 2008 by Mister Poo
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God poos. It is not for negotiation.

The Almighty

The bible says He made us like Him and so He must shit. Also, He must wank and piss and lie and cheat and think about inappropriate sexual adventures from time to time.

This is God. He made you like Him.

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Don’t Die A Virgin

June 19th, 2008 by Mister Poo
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If you never let anyone fuck with your mind, it means you will forever remain a mental virgin.

Open up and get loose.

Never did it

Surrender an orifice, let some idiot scramble the insides of your head with their cock of nonsense.

I mean, apart from Isaac Newton, who dies a virgin?

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June 12th, 2008 by Mister Poo
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So the King of Nepal is a goner.

I rule you. I don’t rule you.

I live in a gigantic palace. I live in a modest house.

Things can change. Your gut may be blocked up with clay-like deposits one day and be shitting like a Bombay tourist the next.

Who is to say what is to happen? Astrologers? Did the kings of Nepal ever have astrologers?

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Oil hits $200 barrell

June 11th, 2008 by Mister Poo
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Why should I care? The shite of twenty thousand dead dinosaurs and a hundred million trees.

Condensed are wormed over centuries, flattened by earth-weight and squeezed to perfection before finally being extracted by some smart asses and sold to me.

a barrel of fun

For what?

To drive the poo-mobile to shit town and buy some crap?

I should be so blessed.

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Food From China is full of Shit

May 28th, 2008 by Mister Poo
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This blogger is a proud Australian and doesn’t want to eat food from China because its full of shit.

Pigs in China dirty?

He’s saying “buy local”. It’s a relative value. Everything comes from planet Earth. We’re all in the same boat as far as that goes.

Anyway - the blogger’s main concern should be being nice to his wife, otehrwise he could end up like this.

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Shit Kills

May 17th, 2008 by Mister Poo
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unpleasant cow shit killerThe following extract is copied from http://tripthroolife.blogspot.com/2008/05/body-mind-and-soul.html

Its all about how shit KILLS things DEAD

Raising animals for food is also a water-polluting process. One dairy cow produces more than 100 pounds of excrement per day. According to a U.S. Senate report, animals raised for food in the U.S. produce 130 times the excrement of the entire human population of this country. Their excrement is more concentrated than human excrement and is often contaminated with herbicides, pesticides, toxic chemicals, hormones, antibiotics, and so on. These massive farmed-animal factories generally don’t have waste-treatment plants. Instead, the manure is poured onto land or into giant lagoons, where it often spills over into local waterways, kills fish, and poisons the drinking water. Streams and rivers all over the middle of our country that once were clear and full of fish are now filthy and lifeless because of manure runoff from factory farms. There’s an enormous “dead zone” in the Gulf of Mexico now, where no fish or other animals live. This is largely because of the enormous amount of animal waste that has flowed from factory farms down rivers and streams and into the gulf.

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Socrates

May 12th, 2008 by Mister Poo
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This is Socrates- not the one that used to play for Brazil, but the ancient Greek Philsopher style of a Socrates.
ugly mofo
You will notice that he’s not the prettiest eye candy in the store. His philsophy was that a person should always try to “do well” and that one should “know thyself”.

This plainly didn’t apply to his own personal grooming. And we can only speculate whether he carried this philsophy into his private Greek toilet area.

To know yourself, you must create investigation. To truly know your insides, you must see what comes out.

Did Socrates thus have his face pushed into his own poo in the quest for knowledge and greater truth. Perhaps this explains the slightly-screwed-up expression on his funny wee gnome face.

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It’s The Shit

May 11th, 2008 by Mister Poo
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The latest thing in New York City is getting a bird-shit facial. It’s called a Geisha Facial and is available at the Shizuka salon in New York

The treatment will cost you $180 and its the amino acids that do the work to make you look beautiful.

Their website says “The most crucial ingredient in this unique facial treatment is uguisu no fun (powdered nightingale droppings), once a secret known only to traditional kabuki actors and the Geisha themselves.”

geisha facial at shizuka

And, thank you for your concern - but Mister Poo is already drop dead gorgeous and does not need for this. Let it be known.

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Local Politics in The Shit

May 2nd, 2008 by Mister Poo
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Once again, shit could defeat philosophy, learning and politics.

Norwich town hall - where Norwich Council carries out it’s cerebral machinations and deliberations is under attack from pigeon shit.

Norwich town hall is crumbling beneath shit

They are afraid and according to this story, are planning to install wires and posts to prevent the birds from depositing their guano.

Pigeon shit is highly corrosive, especially against the flimsy sandstone that Norwich selected to build its tower of power.

Perhaps next time they will think of something like granite or glass which can take the shit better.

Then again, shit lasts for ever and will prbably secure the final victory to be around long after the human race has disappeared up its own palooka.

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